jateshi: (Darkwind Elspeth and Gwena)
[personal profile] jateshi
So, the year - it ends, tonight, and we say goodbye to what has,arguably, been a tough time. The economy, politics, world relations,family life, artistic grumblings - a hard year. It's been a hard year for a lot of folks and a really tough one for me but in this end it's been... a year of lessons.

The year started badly, with a trip to the ER, and a bad two weeks of my body reminding me that I am my own little whipping self. It continued with cancer (not me) that had me moving back home to take care of my folks. It continued with Mum and Dad both having complications - I found an apartment nearby. I got a job four days after signing my apartment lease. I got glasses before the apartment and was wearing a new pair that I'd just picked up when I went to my interview with the company I work for now.

My lessons include remembering, at long last, why I am someone who has to lay claim to the title of Slytherin if for no other reason than it's who,and what, I am. I learned that I like being alone, anti-social, and existing primarily as a presence seen from a distance instead of one felt about you. I discovered that while I have a good voice it's not the best and there are many people I'd rather hear sing than myself.

I've found love not once but twice and actually tried to move past my own problems to grasp it; I have people I care for so deeply and completely that insulting them is more personal than attempting to insult me and I un-sheath my mental daggers at the mere thought. I've had to accept foundation-shattering moments in my life and pick up the crumbs and rubble and start my over. I've found the three people I can tell anything, absolutely anything to, and no matter what it is it can't shake our relationship with each other.

I've grown happier,slowly. I've challenged myself and found that I can draw and write again - things I had trouble with a year ago. I'm by no means completely well, completely stable, or completely happy but I'm happier. I snark less, I indulge less, sometimes I spend whole nights just reading, or drawing, just because I can and want to. I still haven't given up my World of Warcraft and I've discovered that I'm one of those people who can put the game away, come back a few weeks later,and love it all over again. I love to challenge myself and WoW gives me a place to - and I've decided that folks who don't get how I can love something like it still, even when they don't.. well, they can piss off if they have a problem with me still playing.

I think the best way to put this year is one of becoming. It's been hard, tough, and hellish. It's been insulting, aggravating, mortifying, destructive, and ultimately insightful. I'm becoming myself, my own self, not just some pale copy of another person.

Apparently myself is someone who can write purple prose like I bled it out...

So, 2009, farewell. You've been a bitch to me and I've given you just as much bitchiness back.

I sure as fuck hope 2010 doesn't start with a trip to the ER though, that's a tradition I can do without starting.

Hello 2010. I'm a day late greeting you officially but I greeted you when you hailed in. I had Hoppin' John's with the folks yesterday and my brother as well. I spent yesterday looking at my art last year, putting together a Summary of 2009 meme and working on a tutorial. I'm working on lessons for students who I've taken on at DA (three of them) and the piece that I'm working on is something that's - well it's a challenge for me as well.

This year is going to be a year of challenges. I'll be renewing the lease on my apartment this year, celebrating a year at my job at the end of March - this is just a year that I look forward to. I want to be at my job for years to come, I love my apartment and as long as I can I want to be living here. I've finally gotten my apartment cleaned, I have a spare bed, I have a coffee pot... I'm set in life, really.

So in this year here are some random assortment of goals-
I will put backgrounds on at least half of what I draw.
I will color more than half of what I draw.
I will CG something at least twice a month and dolls don't count.
I will draw a car that looks like a car.
I will draw a bike that looks like a bike.
I will paint at least once a month.
I will get my druid to 80 and at least 4 other toons to 60. (prolly before February)
I will lose weight until I am actually happy with who I am and I match my mental image of myself to what I know I can be.
I will pattern and draft and create clothing for myself and I will continue to design.
I will go back and make the damn plushies that I owe folks.

Hello 2010, I resolve to make you MY bitch instead of the other way around.
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July 2012


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