Sep. 27th, 2009

jateshi: (Lia/Jate OTP)
Having my beloved Ne-chan come up is a blast. It's been fun, chatting, and makes her moving down so much easier. Because there's still the we-get-together thing which I love. It does highlight that I really should get a better sleeping thing for guests because while the sofa is squishy and comfy you'd get a bad back crick staying for too long. So I need to figure something I can store in the apartment for guests to sleep on. Maybe a rolled lay-bed I can keep under my bed? I've got the floorspace for storing and deploying a twin if I just can figure out where to keep it. I'm not a fan of inflated mattresses though they're good but squeaky-squeaky-squeaky.

Project Runway is addicting and for me, inspiring. I've been, between gabbing and movies and cider, sketching out stuff. A Tudor-inspired runway dress. A drapey cape-thing to go over the dress designed for pregnancy. I'm trying to think of something classy for a dinner party and realizing that I have a bad limitation with either short pleated or long and elegant and nothing in between. So this has to change. I should really start upping my game and making the mini patterns for what I want, too. Because I'd like to eventually get in to making my own clothing and looking at the future of what I'd need. I want to design my own costumes but most of what I design is either RTW or costume. I've got such limitations as a designer that I need to challenge myself and go more. :3 So a random goal - go more. Go more backgrounds, go more flair, go more dramatic, go more everything.

I think this is part of me trying to refit myself into my skin and see how I want to change it. Red hair and a personality aren't just enough, I need to rediscover who I was. I look back at my old designs and see such random sparks of insanity, something beautiful, and where did it go? I want to make clothing that flatters my body but at the same time I want to change my body until I feel like it's my body again instead of this form I exist inside of.

I do care very much for the feedback from others. I wilt and thrive based on a few words instead of listening to what I could tell myself. That is unacceptable as a creator, as an artist, and as a writer. I need to look for feedback but I also need to be able to tel myself something and believe it. I'm taking steps but I need to still do it.

To mis-use a quote, I need to take back myself. I'm going to take back my artwork and writing, my creativity, and take back my soul.

Speaking of, I'm finally back to work on Chapter Three! I've had a lovely blast going back through it, finding my chapter notes, and realizing how much I have to look forward to in the story. There are so many little twists, so many new sections to take my readers (what few I have XD) and so much to show them. So much structure of the Dark Kingdom which I've worked out, so much pulling out from fics that only my Ne-chan knows existed. There is so much I have to show people that I have to take a breath, step back, and remember that in order to keep going I have to first get going again. I think Chapter Three will be shorter if only to finally put a close to the Chapter which has been like a weight.

Who would be interested in seeing these random clothing designs I am coming up with? I'd love to get some help from the costumers I have around me in taking an idea and getting suggestions on how to make it real. I'd also love to just share some of the random ideas I have instead of finding sketchbooks rotting (not literally) with artwork and designs that no one sees, that I never share.

Seeing Dee reminded me that I miss my Lia a lot so <3 A random bit of love for all of my friends (new and old) and I wish I had an icon of love for all of you. I miss talking to a lot of you (Jemz and Gala and Bleak and Judas - all of you from those crazy HP days) and I miss remembering a lot of the insanity we had. I love my friends from the Sailor Moon world but more than a little bit I know I'm hiding half of myself because that fandom is so much younger in terms of sexual explorations that it misses so much.

July 2012


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